I have not gone anywhere with him driving for that reason. But try to tell him that. So I hope and pray he does not get into an accident. He loves guns, so we had a gun closet built, nice and secure. Unfortunately he does not use the gun closet as he leaves the guns in the cellar.
Marriage to a Spouse With Asperger Syndrome
At least we got him to hide the ammunition in another location. He always sat at the head of the table for breakfast, like he owned the place. One morning he starting talking about all the beautiful girls from Canada in their bikinis, and all the beautiful girls he had known.
He was in his element and could not stop talking. The rest of the table grew very quiet. I was uncomfortable. Later that morning one of the gentlemen came to me and apologized for the behavior of my husband.
During the meal the food always ended up at his end of the table, never checking with the other guests if they needed or wanted samplings. I fixed that problem, now we serve the food on a buffet table. His family never took turns hosting holiday meals, with one exception. Once, his sister invited us to a hotel where they had really lousy food.
- Your session is about to expire!.
- The Most Beautiful Book in the World.
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- What is it like to be married to a man with Asperger's syndrome?;
I still have family in Europe and ever since I have been financially able, I travel there once a year. He would say, "Here she is, flirting off to Europe again. Once I just left and put a note on the kitchen table and left on my trip. When I returned he never mentioned anything about the note.
He always asks me to write instructions how to use the dishwasher, the washing machine, the dryer, the coffeemaker before I leave. If he has not figured these things out over 50 or so years, he never will.
1. Pursuing a diagnosis
He tells the same stories over and over again, and says things that are between a husband and wife, which makes me and the other people uncomfortable, but he would never notice that. He talks and talks, never notices cues from the people surrounding him. He has the ability to talk things to death. I am sure that would have been interesting and fun, but he practically brain washed me to see it. I began to hate the idea so I did not go to the exhibit. To him, there is no one better than Mozart.
Asperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships Through a Different Lens
He has been talking about Mozart for years. In June of this year I went on a walking tour in the Czech Republic. I doubt he could have walked for 10 miles in one day. He was furious when my company invited me to go to the annual top sales people appreciation event in Rome, Italy. He could not stand it and called me bad names. He kept asking what flights we were taking, but we had not booked them yet.
He went to the travel agency to check on information about the flight. When I found out what he had done, my blood pressure went sky high and a vein popped in my eye. When we got married and he was 32 years old, he had no friend to be his best man, so one of my friends became the best man. There is someone he has been hunting or fishing with for years and when this person had surgery, I reminded my husband to send a card or call.
How An Asperger Syndrome Diagnosis Saved My Marriage
No, he would not do that. He only remembers this man when he needs something from him. He does take a shower for about 3 minutes, but for some unknown reason he does not use soap. He has problems with his skin, and I am not surprised. When he received a prescription from his dermatologist he asked me to put it on his back, I said I would but would have to wash the back first, well that ended that. I have been begging him for all the years of our marriage to please wash hands when he comes home from work, shopping and also after using the bathroom. Putting cold water for 3 seconds on your hands just does not do it for me.
It is not only that he is not clean, but that for all these years he has ignored my pleas and that hurts me, and makes me angry. I have letters that I sent to my mother, and she kept them all, now I have a diary of many years. I wasn't interested in a complete personality overhaul; I just wanted to become more in control of myself. So, I started keeping what I called a "journal of best practices," which was a collection of personal maxims that I wrote down and tried to practice everyday: "Don't change the radio station when she's singing along," "Apologies don't count when you shout them," "It's better to fold the laundry than to take only what you need from the dryer," "Don't hog all the crab Rangoon.
Did I mention I'm a catch? Working together, guided by love and my best practices, Kristen and I were able to transform our failing marriage into the happy marriage we'd always wanted. I learned how to manage my behaviors on my own and be a better husband. Occasionally I took things a little too far--holding routine performance reviews to measure my progress week to week, for instance--but for the most part, my Asperger zeal and single-minded determination served us rather well on our journey of reconstruction.
Best of all, we were able to renew our "bestfriendship," which is what I wanted more than anything. He lives in northern Illinois with his wife, Kristen, and their two children. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Oh, and my thumbs look like toes, so I'm, like, a total catch. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. Join HuffPost Plus. Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Let us know what you'd like to see as a HuffPost Member. Canada U. US News. Chris and Gisela have been partners for twelve years.
Four years ago Chris was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. For Chris, this was an explanation of why he had always regarded himself as 'socially handicapped'. For Gisela, it meant coming to terms with a marriage in which there would never be an intuitive understanding despite Chris's good intentions. For the couple it w Chris and Gisela have been partners for twelve years. For the couple it was the beginning of a long and still unfinished process of learning to live with a disability regarded by some as incompatible with marriage.
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Published January 17th by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. More Details Original Title. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about An Asperger Marriage , please sign up.
Is this based on a true story? See 1 question about An Asperger Marriage…. Lists with This Book. Community Reviews. Showing Rating details. Sort order. Jan 04, Rainbow rated it did not like it. This book should be subtitled, "How to abuse your Asperger partner and make him think it is his fault.
She says that she knows that Chris hates loud noises, so what does she do? She makes loud noises. To me that sounds like domestic violence. Gisela's part of the book is made up of complaints about Chris. Chris does that, and I hate it.
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