You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Margaret Jean Just another WordPress. Dec 13 Vanessa Grant writes romance novels, but the concepts she talked about years ago at a VPL event helped me in developing every relationship in my book. I am proud to call her a friend as well as a mentor. Adam is one hell of a writer. I highly recommend it for anyone who cares about child survivors of any kind of trauma, and for teens struggling to understand themselves and the world they live in.
They mean well, I'm sure, and have a fine healthcare system, I think, but they do not have the way, the truth and the life, Christ brought us via the church and priesthood established in the New Testament, the Catholic Church. The Apostles made personal mistakes, but God revealed his Dad's pastoral direction and truths he was ready to reveal to us through them, anyway, so don't let the scandals make you indifferent about a true church, which I said what it is. We even have a Guardian Angel and a patron saint or two can't do well to leave out Christ's mom and foster-dad for certain petitions, through whom you can offer up to God your praise, penitence, petition and anything else, as they lived heroic lives of grace and can make our prayers from our sinful selves more positively answered.
Dymphna can, for example, help with mental troubles. They can help us strengthen what are the weak points of our psychology. Praise God! So many questions, and I am almost afraid to go and get the answers. I was bullied in school, and I don't even want to go into how bad that was for me. Worse than that was the fear that if I had tried to fight back I would have been punished at home for getting in trouble in school.
Seems there was nothing wrong with me that a beating wouldn't take care of. I was always told how self centered I was. I have no real self esteem. I always wanted to be able to do something that would be special so that others would like me more. Cars -- I've always been fascinated with cars; in fact I ended up being a mechanic and almost never stop studying about them.
I have not been diagnosed. I continually try to hide my shortcomings. I even hid the fact that I got beat up at school all of the time. I never wrote anything in school or elsewhere if I could avoid it. All but a couple of the educators somehow realized that there was no sense in expecting to get homework turned in from me. From them I'd get good grades, just from what I did in the classroom.
The others all came close to failing me. Truth is I almost cannot write by hand, never could. Today, typing on the computer allows me to write. I actually see most of the mistakes, and of course simply letting the computer check the spelling and grammar really lets me do something that I never could have done by hand.
Yet hardly a day goes by where I don't spend a lot of time alone. I opened my own repair shop and work all by myself except for a little help from my wife. I think I yell at her all of the time, and she is just about the only person that likes me. Why am I the way that I am? I can fix the cars, but I can't keep the people happy.rocksiloobasse.gq/map25.php
Review: “Unforgiving: Memoir of an Asperger Teen”. | Margaret Jean
I've had people say that I'm odd, some use the word different. One person recently asked me if I have heard of Asperger Syndrome so I have been reading and found this site. I'm really wondering about this, and am really apprehensive about posting this now that I wrote it. Something is wrong. Always being alone isn't normal yet it's better that way. I wonder how Asperger Syndrome may be different than a melancholic temperament, with maybe some of the phlegmatic for those more social and less tidy melancholics --see "The 4 Temperaments" by Rev Conrad Hock, which can be read online, or the more extensive: "The Temperament God Gave You" by Art and Laraine Bennett though with Catholic things mentioned as context or sometimes examples, the reads are not theological in themselves to see what I'm talking about.
The two sets of authors Hock and the Bennetts differ on whether there could be a melancholic-sanguine, because the more psychologically-trained I think, but could be wrong second authors see no mix of an introverted and extroverted temperament. The Aspie tests may make the difference between Asperger Syndrome and a temperament or temperament mix, but the psychologist may be hooked on a particular method. Who knows? Maybe the two methods are complimentary. Though I have smiled when criticized by one who's not threatening to me, I am into sanitizer, can't stand my room getting looked in upon by a parent, run off most all, but conservative pro-lifers, on Facebook and am not good in interviews, I am not anywhere near interested in math and I get subtle humor and sarcasm, though likely not as keenly as extroverts.
A friend, who says he has Asperger Syndrome, can get dorky jokes, as well. He doesn't like being around more than a loved one or two or a friend, but he makes himself adapt, which I rarely can do. I have trouble doing what I don't want to do, often because I fear failure and not obstinacy.
The Autism Spectrum, Sexuality and the Law
Below is a possibility I thought of I'm not a trained psychologist, but I'm introverted and don't relate, in many ways, to most my peers for socially-challenged introverted behavior. Some may be in their own shell, just for being shy or maybe because of a hyper-critical or kneejerk shouter parent, who shouts at an sensitive kid inconsistently or whose shouting unnerves a sensitive kid and may affect bolder siblings in a different way.
I'm sure they mean well and they have fine nursing homes, but they do not have the truth that could set you free whatever your affliction may be. Asperger Syndrome may not have a cure, but faith with the full truth of the Catholic Church focus on official documents, as even the Apostles were weak, but brought us Christ's teachings. Adapting is good too and the Bennetts promote improving upon the weaker areas of our temperament. Ask God for that. St, Dymphna is one of the human helpers in Heaven for the mentally afflicted, who can make our offerings of thanks, petition, penitence and praise to God more pleasing by her life lived so much for God--the same with Christ's mom.
These post are so me, I cannot believe all the people who feel and act just as I do. I always was so depressed for being "abnormal". I have another possible symptom I want to ask if anyone else has. I always walk around with my head down. I almost run into things that are not at ground level because I am always looking down, like I am ashamed. But maybe it's to avoid eye contact. I always thought my avoidance of eye contact was due to my drug and alcohol use, not wanting people to see my eyes.
I have had terrible bouts with substance abuse. I have abused just about everything except heroin. Nearly died like six times, plus one suicide attempt. Anyway, back to my original question, my aspie got me off track do you walk around with your head down? God help us and those who love us all. I just came across this site and am desperate to talk to someone. I know this is anon, but I just read this woman's post and realized she was describing the way my boyfriend behaves.
I am posting today in the hopes of either contacting her or finding someone else in similar situation. I just really want to somehow contact her because I have some questions which I want to compare with my boyfriend's symptoms. If you'd rather not, I at least wanted to thank you for completely altering my outlook which thereby has forced me to now feel mercy and compassion to someone I was certain was selfish and callous. Your words just made an aspie get a second chance he so desperately deserves.
I feel so horrible for being so harsh with my boyfriend and exacerbating his symptoms with my hurtful words. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as I have, but I've always been skeptical about his bp symptoms since they are so different from mine. See, I am classic textbook b minus the psychotic part which is why I can easily recognize the typical symptoms.
Of, I'll try to be brief. Here's the scoop. This past year we both found a new psychiatrist who was great and just a few months ago the doctor told my boyfriend that he suspected my boyfriend had Aspergers. Sadly, this same doctor died suddenly and unexpectedly a week ago. My boyfriend was just admitted into a psych ward for depression. He had already started feeling depression for some time, but I, in my ignorance, exploded on him due to my growing resentments and hurt with regards to what I interpreted as selfishness, self absorption, disinterest in hearing "my stories", but has no problem going on and on about his.
His social problems have been a great source of conflict between us and just before he went into the hospital, I said and did some pretty hurtful things because I felt so rejected, unloved and unappreciated. I'm not at all that type of vindictive cruel sort of person, but my reaction was partly due to past ex-boyfriend hurt projections and my wanting to "shake him up" for an emotional response. Part of my thinking was sort of along the lines of: "if I get him to cry, which he never has , then I'd know there are signs of life". I broke up with him before he left and told him I couldn't marry him.
I even took out the engagement ring he had hidden from me which he didn't know I knew about and I put on a pretty dramatic show. I know I am extremely broken from my own past wounds and mood disorder which had much to do with what drove me to those lengths, but after reading this woman's story, it made me take my former doctor's recent diagnosis seriously. I knew a bit about Aspergers syndrome before and did see common traits in my boyfriend, but they didn't seem "strong" enough to fit the bill from what I understood about the syndrome and thought that maybe the doctor misdiagnosed him or that my boyfriend may have wanted to use it as an excuse for what I interpreted as "coldness" even though he can also be very sweet and warm and romantic.
The romantic part was mostly expressed in written form before we met in person, so I had these very high expectations and hence, my drama. So, all this to say, my boyfriend doesn't seem to have the extremes of asp. He is highly intelligent, creative, hates talking on the phone, is detached from most people including his family, comes across as aloof and rude in company due to his lack of expression and natural social responses and seems irritated his space has been invaded.
Oh and yeah, he was a loner in school growing up, thin skinned and bullied. Bottled up rage because he didn't "speak up" for himself. Ok, I'm done. Sorry for the length. I'm in manic mode. Is there a way that someone could help me by putting me in touch with wives of husbands with asp. I would love it if this woman anon would see my post and respond to me here on this site. Thanks for listening, monica. People with Aspergers Syndrome do not lack emotion. People with Aspergers Syndrome have the same emotions as everyone else, there is just a barrier in communication which prevents them from realizing the emotional tone of the situation, and prevents them from expressing their emotions sufficiently to the rest of the world.
If a person with Aspergers Syndrome seems indifferent to your pain, it's because they were not able to determine from you that you were in pain. It is not that they do not have an ability to empathize with you. If a person with Aspergers Syndrome says they love you, but does not act in a way which you feel really drives the point home why would you marry someone who you thought really doesn't love you anyway? You should take the words over non-verbal cues with someone with Aspergers Syndrome. Always felt I didn't fit in. Few if any jokes are funny. I am not interested in your personal life stories.
Tell me something I don't know or tell me nothing. I hate team sports and group efforts -- just a way to take advantage of my efforts for someone else's gain. Very few friends and rarely in contact. People generally bother me. I don't like talking on the phone, unless it's business or to save time. I hated school. It wasn't a social event, more like prison. My teenage years were spent drinking or drugs to compensate for my social awkwardness. I can work with the public effectively but have problems one on one. I do not discuss my personal feelings with anyone including my wife. I can provide financial support for my family but emotionally I am blank.
The Omega Man or I am Legend style of living has a certain appeal was it supposed to be scary? The older I get the less satisfaction I get out of things I used to enjoy. I am not interested in sharing experiences with others. Social events are hell, and I am ready to leave five minutes after arriving. These are just some of the feelings of having Asperger Syndrome. My wife gets upset and emotional with me. I do not know how to respond so I just go quiet. Her complaints are valid. I do not, nor know how to, provide the emotional and social interactions that my family deserves.
My oldest boy has mild autism. My younger son is my clone, with Asperger Syndrome. And my daughter has mild Aspergers. And oh yes another trait. I dated a man 47 for three months who drove me crazy. He was very interested in me at first and pursued me but then he would say he would call, then wouldn't and this pattern kept repeating itself, as well as breaking dates.
He was very unreliable. After a while I got tired of it and broke up with him. Recently we started seeing each other, but his behavior is all over the place. He'll seem very interested but I notice that lack of eye contact, the inability to make plans and a failure to connect and really communicate. Sometimes he really makes me laugh and makes me feel he really wants me; other times he's very impulsive and detached.
He talks about wanting to do fun things in the future yet can barely make plans to go to dinner. Last night I decided I'd had enough and didn't want to put myself out at all for him anymore. Reading these comments gives me the idea that maybe he has AS. It makes my heart go out to him because then I know he really can't help it. My nephew was diagnosed with it. I am a 50 year old male who only recently suspects that I may have AS.
Early in my childhood I never seemed to fit into social circles. I was often talking over the heads of my peers and was absolutely incapable of feeling anything towards others. As I entered second grade, my teacher suspected I was more intelligent than other children and tested me. I scored an I. I quit the M. During school I would typically hang out with the social outcast groups - the nerds and geeks, although I desperately tried to fit in with more popular and "normal" social enclaves. I excelled at science, drafting, drawing and music, but unlike other AS sufferers, I did not do well at math.
I understood and mastered finite mathematics extremely well, but dealing with abstracts and unknowns was difficult for me. In frustration I would occasionally lash out emotionally and become angry and despondent. I attempted suicide once. My parents sent me to a psychologist for a short time, but as AS was still not completely understood or even recognized at that time, this diagnosis eluded my counselors.
My symptoms continued into young adulthood and I would become extremely and intensely focused on certain things and completely indifferent to others. This continues even today, and I have to fight the urge to become obsessed in areas of my life. My coping mechanism has been to mimic other people's facial expressions, speech, tone and even quotes. I frequently go to movies and read books to gather information, which I can use to function and sound normal with. I have built a series of pat responses to people based on phrases I've taken from the media and some of my lifetime encounters.
I still cannot feel true empathy, however I've learned to imitate it pretty well. And, as females from my various relationships have pointed out, I am not intuitive at all either — something you don't miss, not ever having had it. Although I can feel sadness, loneliness and other emotions, feeling sad for other people's pain or loss is completely foreign to me.
My desire for knowledge and trivia has led me to a career working at a library, where I am comfortable, capable and happy. I have worked myself into a position where I don't have to interact with the public much and have the freedom to direct most of my own activities. Previously, I worked in the sciences, such as in geophysics, chemistry and water treatment. Working by myself either outdoors or in a laboratory suited me well for much of my life, but I became burned out, even with those things.
For those who have similar experiences to mine, you need to know that there are others like you and you are not alone. Lacking empathy doesn't mean you are insensitive or unfeeling. Coping by using rote memorization doesn't mean you are not genuine or phony. Thinking logically and rationally doesn't mean you are a robot. We are people who struggle with the same things other people face: love, acceptance, understanding, rejection, hurt, loss, goals, dreams, and ambitions.
While there may not be a cure for this condition, we not only survive in this world but add to it greatly.
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I hope sharing my experiences briefly has given someone hope today. I'm a 35 year old lady with Asperger Syndrome. I had an appalling first 18 years due to ignorance, bullying and abuse. I left high school with my self esteem in tatters and found it hard to cope in the adult world afterward. Despite my high intelligence, I've pretty well let down my family by not being able to go into a white collar career that matches my IQ. Currently, I work in a restaurant. It's ok and pays quite well. My relationships ended in failure because none of the men were suitable. They had issues of their own.
I'll never have kids and find that quite uncomfortable, especially when I see young moms pushing prams. The condition has been costly. I've missed many opportunities because of it. I have many passions, though, have travelled widely and my family are supportive of my quirkiness, as I'm the only one in my family with this. The accounts I've read here brought back a lot of memories. My wife and I are both college-educated, been married over 10 years and have a family together.
I have a lifelong physical disability aggravated by an accident that has made it necessary for me to move to where I can train for a new career. My wife was diagnosed with AS after college. We tried "cognitive retraining" several times so she would hopefully have an easier time deciphering non-verbal cues. Her work history included four positions in six years, largely because she just didn't fit in with the larger culture. I'm not sure if I have this or not.
I have other autoimmune problems, and I suspect that what is at the root of autoimmune diseases is also at the root of some of these ambiguous mental syndromes. I don't tend to get caught up in details and technical tasks. In fact, I'm not sure I actually have any in depth knowledge about anything. I am interested in many subjects, mostly the biological sciences and music, but I am terrible at math and have a pretty poor memory. It used to be better when I was younger, but it's getting more sluggish. I'm I was an above average student but never excellent.
I think the things that stand out to me the most about these posts and the descriptions online and on this site is the lack of innate understanding of social cues in AS sufferers. I feel like I need an instruction manual on what people expect me to do and say in society, because I have no idea. I always seem to misjudge situations and say or do the wrong thing and unintentionally offend someone. I've often wondered if I should start doing the opposite of what my instincts are. I often feel as though my intentions are misunderstood.
Sometimes people laugh at things I say when humor was not intended, and sometimes when humor is intended, nobody laughs. I also talk too much. I engage in lengthy, one-sided monologues about the same things over and over. Over and over and over. I am surprised my boyfriend hasn't dumped me yet over it.
I really need to stop talking about these things so much. I am very verbose, too. I hear it coming out of my mouth and feel helpless to control it. I also can't answer people's questions well. People want a short, specific answer and I often give a rambling, wordy response instead that is really inefficient. Then later, I think back about how a better way to word it would have been.
When I am under pressure, I screw up. When I'm in an environment where I know mistakes are not easily tolerated, I make every mistake. I am a social disaster. I do have empathy, though. I volunteer on a crisis hotline.
Unforgiving The Memoir of An Asperger Teen
I can show love and support to others who are sick, because I am sick and I know what it feels like. I am very self centered, though, and sometimes forget to tone down the sharing of personal experiences with friends. We are forbidden to do that on the crisis hotline so I get some practice using something called "reflective listening" in that setting.
My dad is probably also Aspergers. He's an engineer. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I get freaked out because I feel like I look like him. I'm trying to have a performing career and it's failing miserably because there is just something "not quite right about me" that makes my image really hard to market. That's all from my self-absorbed self. I wish all of you the best of luck in your recovery path.
We are not alone! I have recently been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and believe my older brother has it too, so I believe it is genetic. I have felt different for years now and have finally arrived at a diagnosis. I was self-diagnosed before being officially diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome a couple of months ago.
I have finally put a name to why I have felt different for 29 years of my life. As a kid I was always very shy and still am today. I never had any real friends at school. My brother and I were constantly bullied at school. I remember being 12 years old and everyone in my form class turned on me -- even the girls I thought were my friends and just made me cry. I walked around the playground on my breaks by myself. I was such a loner. This continued all through primary and intermediate school. I learned to read and write and never had a problem spelling but was not very good at school.
I hated maths and science and struggled with English. I have always hated social functions and have never been into the bar or party scene. I have this anxiety and nervousness if I have to go out to do things socially. I just do not know how to interact with people. I prefer to be alone at home. I have been told so many times that you need to meet people and make friends. It has not been a piece of cake. I only have one friend other than that and I live a few hours from my family. I am close to my parents and my brothers but not my sister.
She does not acknowledge me and we have never been close. Even relatives that I have in the city where I live never contact me anymore. I have had very few relationships. Never dated in high school as I never had a desire to date guys. I had a boyfriend at 19 but had never had a sexual relationship until my early twenties.
I am in a casual relationship at the moment. I have struggled in the workplace. I have had a few unpleasant experiences in some of the jobs I have had. I could never understand why people treated me harshly. People have treated me harshly and criticized me and talked down to me and have been called names by a lot of people. I feel like am nine years old not 29 years old. My own relatives treat me like that too, because I am so quiet and shy. I have had this most of my life. I struggle to have converse with people.
What comes easily to most people does not come easily to me. Since I don't recognize emotions I can come across as aloof and rude. I basically have no social skills. The friendships I have had have never lasted. I am so socially awkward that I am becoming a recluse. I just want to be by myself. I am currently employed full time but would like to return home to my family.
In the city I live in I am only close to my one friend and my boyfriend, so at least I have people that I see. I wish in a way that I had been diagnosed as a kid, but like so many others who have Asperger Syndrome who have been diagnosed, I am realizing what it is like to see the world differently.
I really hope you get this. I have sons and a husband who have Aspergers Syndrome. I really feel for you and what you are going through, and want you to know that there are things you can do! I also pray that you will come to realize that having Asperger Syndrome is not a curse - it is a blessing to you and to your family. I know that may sound nuts to you right now, but I'd really like to help you to see things differently. I love my "Aspie" family!
I also know of things that have helped them which may also help you.
Autism, parenting, and my silence on recent “autism mom” memoirs
No I don't sell anything. I'm just in love with my family, and may be the answer to the prayers of those who love you - yes you are loved! I am also starting a blog soon about how Asperger Syndrome blesses our family. Good luck on your journey. I just wrote about recently being diagnosed with AS. Now I feel like I am wasting people's time to read about my problems.
Why can't I be "normal"? I am a 46 year old male. Well, I find it hard to believe I am writing here. I don't usually participate in forums like this, hell I don't even read them. Why would I -- it did not affect my life in anyway. I was recently diagnosed with AS, like a week ago.
Excuse the grammar and spelling; I did not do well in school. My wife third thought I should feel "happy" and "relieved" to know what I have. Nope, don't feel that at all. It makes me sad. But then again everything makes me sad. Since the is no cure, or medication to relieve symptoms, I find it hard to be excited I have this diagnosis. At least with my mental disorders, I have hoped that we will eventually hit that right med combo that will "fix" me although I've been trying different med combos for 30 years with no success. I am very pessimistic. I always think the worst in everything and everybody.
Nothing is ever going to go right. I have a ton of people I know, but not even one friend. I feel like everyone is just going to use me. I feel like a burden. I have asked people over and when they get there I am like "when are they going to leave? They talk about things going on in their lives and I am like, why are you wasting my time with this?
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It has no relevance in my being. I was bullied in school. Now I feel like everybody takes advantage of me. People overcharge me for services because they know I won't fuss about it. People do unacceptable work, like on my boat, that others would throw a fit over, but they know I won't say anything, and then I have to take it back and instead of arguing that they did not fix it right the first time, they charge me again and I pay, again.
I do not want to be a burden or confrontational. It's the same everywhere. I have no emotions except sadness for myself. Like a couple of months ago my daughter gave birth to a 23 week old 1 pound 4 oz baby. He lived only 14 days. Everyone was sad and crying.
I was thinking what a lucky guy he is. He does not have to live in this horrible world, and gets a free pass to heaven. I think since I have no emotions I am damned, even possessed and will go straight to hell. At the memorial I had to try real hard to look sad, but I really felt nothing, except there was a crowd and I don't like crowds.
And I wanted to be at home playing poker online. That's what I do. I play online poker almost from the time I get home until midnight most nights. Then I get up go to work 24 years same job but I have my own office and don't have to interact with others much. And since they invented e-mail I hardly have to talk on the phone with anybody. Every day I think "tonight I am not going to play poker, I am going to spend quality time with my wife and step children" but when I get home there I go into my cocoon.
Thinking all right, I will start tomorrow. Well I guess I will end here, don't want to waste any of your time. Hopefully I will find some resources to teach me how to cope with this. The best thing I have is wife who loves me very much and is very understanding of all my "disorders. I am 32, a mom of a six year old very energetic and lovable daughter. I live with my boyfriend who is also 32 and has six year old autistic kid. In reality, this often means the assessment is inappropriate, inadequate or, as in my case, non-existent.
I may be a graduate with a high IQ but I struggle financially due to a lifetime of subsisting on a single, small part-time income. I lack close family or friends to support me and on the many days I spend alone I am liable to forget how to talk. Support might be useful for other reasons too. Late diagnosis may eventually bring closure and reconciliation, but not before a weeping and gnashing of teeth for which nothing prepares you.
For nearly a year after diagnosis I wept and gnashed in equal measure, mainly fuelled by regret for what felt like a train wreck of a life. Here I was, all these years on, finding out why but still no one to point the way, welcome me into the club or tell me where to hang my coat. This autism business sucked. Left to my own devices, I turned to the internet, where I discovered there were others out there trying to make sense of it all too — an online tribe for the tribeless, a diaspora of aliens in a neurotypical universe.
For some, online communication is a lifeline.
Related Unforgiving: The Memoir of an Asperger Teen
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